Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
