fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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