When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
