dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
