What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
