NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
