please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Actions speak louder than pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
