Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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