I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
