LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
