my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
