If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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