White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
