when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
