Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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