Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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