so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
