Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need a beard to bite.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
