Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
