she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
