At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
