DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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