My friends, they love my intelligence
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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