Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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