I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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