hell yes lets make some ravioli
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
