Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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