I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
