i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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