Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
