He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
