This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
