It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
