You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
