can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
