I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
