there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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