Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
