He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
