the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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