I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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