I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
