im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
