Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
