he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
should my penis look like a turkey
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
