I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
