my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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