I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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