2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
