Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
