Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
