I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
