like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
