You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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